Man considers breaking up as girlfriend demands he provide BTO for her because ‘that’s what her dad did’
A man lamented that his girlfriend expected him to provide and buy a Build-To-Order (BTO) flat for her because “that’s what her dad did” for her family.
Seeking advice on Reddit on Oct 6, the man asked if his partner’s demands were “normal” for other couples.
The post titled “Should girls pay 50/50 for BTO or should the guy pay as the provider?” has since amassed more than 640 comments, with netizens sharing and discussing their views on the topic.
Girlfriend asks boyfriend to pay for BTO because ‘that’s what her dad did’
In the post, the man asked if his situation was normal for other couples.
He said he had only started working this year, and he and his partner earn similar incomes.
“There’s no way I can afford to pay all by myself and I’m so stressed about it. Should I break up?” he asked.
Netizens have divided opinions
Netizens shared differing views on the topic, with many favouring couples splitting the cost of the BTO.
Some commenters noted that splitting the BTO costs equally could help prevent ownership disputes, such as one partner claiming that the home belongs solely to them.
“I’m scared that we’ll argue next time and he’ll say ‘This is my house, get out of my house’,” a user said.
Several said they were more inclined to split the BTO costs equally, but felt the arrangement should remain flexible, particularly in the early stages, depending on the couple’s respective incomes.
A user shared that she split 50-50 for the house with her husband even when she was earning more.
“I don’t think it should be a blanket rule whether one part should or shouldn’t pay 50%,” one said.
Meanwhile, some users pointed out that if the man were to fully pay for the home, he should be the sole owner while his partner should be listed as an occupier.
One user described this arrangement as “practical and logical”.
When applying for a flat, couples and families can choose to co-own the property or have a sole owner, with the spouse and/or other family members listed as occupiers.
Another said the man could pay for the home as the provider, but suggested having a “proper prenup” in place to protect one’s home and assets in the event of a divorce.
Others noted that it is also acceptable for men to take on the role of provider, provided their partners take on other responsibilities, such as household chores.
However, many commenters said the decision in managing housing costs is ultimately up to the couple.
Some pointed out that the cost split could change at different stages of a couple’s life, whether it is 50-50, 60-40 or even 95-5.
“You must both decide this for yourselves, and you must both also earn each other’s trust to be able to do it willingly,” one wrote.
One user said some men may prefer to provide more when they are financially capable, just as some career-focused women may choose to contribute more.
“Splitting 50-50 for everything at all times is stupid because a long-term relationship is not 50-50. Sometimes you pay more and sometimes the other person pays more,” they said.
Costs should be ‘split by a percentage’ according to income
Speaking to Stomp, Sam, 25, said the cost of the BTO should be split equally when both partners earn similar salaries.
He said his partner currently has significantly more savings than he does, as they are the same age, but she was able to work full-time while he was serving national service (NS).
When they signed the lease for a BTO flat in 2025, Sam said they agreed to split the costs equally. However, his partner may have to contribute slightly more towards the second down payment, which he said he would reimburse her for over time.
“Fair’s fair and anything less would be to take advantage of her hard-earned money,” he said.
With housing costs rising, Sam added that men should not be expected to pay for a home, especially when they are young.
Due to the long waiting time, he said many young couples like him have to apply for a flat while they are still studying or serving NS.
As a result, even dual-income couples at that early stage may have to use a significant portion of their savings for their flat, he said.
With men also spending two years in NS without a full-time income, he said it was “more unlikely for your average Joe to take on the entire cost of the house by himself”.
Speaking to Stomp, Alice said splitting the BTO costs 50-50 made sense to her, especially if she and her partner earned similar incomes.
However, the 24-year-old said she would prefer to split the costs by percentage if she and her partner had drastically different salaries.
If she were unemployed or earning “too little”, she said it would be “impossible and unfair” for her to contribute the same amount.
Ultimately, Alice said that if she could afford a house, she did not see why she should expect the man to pay for it in full.
Likewise, Lily, who is married, told Stomp that she and her husband split their BTO costs and monthly financial commitments based on their respective salaries.
The 34-year-old said this allowed them to contribute their “fair share”.
She added that if one partner earned more than the other, she would consider a 60-40 split.
When asked if men should be expected to be the provider and pay for the home, Lily said there was a “common expectation” today for both men and women to have equal rights and contribute equally, while still making “space for men to be chivalrous in other ways”.
“In my opinion, money is a very practical subject which requires very practical solutions, including the woman being the one contributing more for certain things if she is earning more than the man,” she said.
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