Spill It With Stomp: He stroked my cheek and said I was cute. Innocent or just plain creepy?
Spill It With Stomp is a new column where Stomp writers Cherry Tan and Ethel Tseng — two bespectacled women with bobs who definitely aren’t professional therapists — dish advice on stressful issues. Whether it’s relationships, family drama or work... Cherry promises not to judge, but Ethel cannot say the same. All this to say: take their advice with a pinch of salt — and don’t hold it against them if things go wrong.
Today, a student wonders if she went overboard in asserting her boundaries against an overbearing classmate.
Hi Cherry and Ethel,
I’m a JC student and I was good friends with a male classmate until he started developing feelings for me. He keeps trying to be close to me and hold my hand without asking for permission.
I have already made it very clear that I do not feel the same way. In fact, he knows I like someone else — but he continued making advances.
One day, we were sitting and talking with our group of friends in the canteen when I said something and he turned to me and said, “You are so cute”, before proceeding to stroke my cheek.
I was so shocked!
I took a second to process what just happened, and told him off right there in front of all our friends. I said, “Don’t do that ever again.”
I think that kind of scared him and since then he distanced himself from me.
He was a good friend, but was I too harsh? Should I feel bad for losing a good friend like that?
Cherry
I wanted to start by emphasising one thing: I’m so proud of you!
It’s been widely proven through studies that women are socially conditioned to be more people-pleasing. We end up tolerating all sorts of behaviours — even those we find strange and uncomfortable — in the name of not rocking the boat or being perceived as pleasant and agreeable.
Where some of our previous readers have bit their tongue for various valid reasons, you’ve done the opposite and drawn clear boundaries. I hope one day every girl and woman can assert her boundaries without having to worry unnecessarily about “consequences” — not that there should be any for speaking up against inappropriate behaviour.
A truly good friend would not need to be constantly reminded to respect you so no, I don’t believe you were too harsh. Keep it up!
Ethel
Um, ew? Non-consensual physical touch is a major red flag in my book.
The persistent hand-holding, cheek-stroking advances may not just be earnest displays of affection — he might just be testing whether your “no” actually means no.
You may have lost a friend over this. And yet, I’d argue that it’s not because you set a boundary. If the friendship can only exist when you’re willing to tolerate unwanted advances, maybe it wasn’t quite the bond you thought it was.
That said, part of growing up is navigating unrequited crushes and perhaps wooing emotionally unavailable love interests.
Since you’re both still young, he may just not be well-equipped to handle his admiration for you at this point.
If anything, you can pat yourself on the back for snapping him back to reality — something all good friends must do.
Hot Takes are opinion pieces written by Stomp journalists, based on their personal experiences and viewpoints. They reflect the writer’s perspective and do not necessarily reflect the views of SPH Media.
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