‘It’s not about sex’: Why Singapore’s only plus-sized dominatrix says Fifty Shades of Grey got it wrong
Think Singapore is just a nation of people working typical corporate jobs? Introducing Stomp’s new original series, Don’t Try This At Work, where we spotlight individuals with risky, exciting, unconventional and even downright terrifying jobs.
From cleaning up after death to handling bees by hand, the series offers a behind-the-scenes look at occupations most people would never dare to try – and the people who do them every single day.
An array of jute rope, clamps, floggers, and Louboutin high heels sit neatly on the counter top and bed of the room that Dahlia is in.
It’s a balmy Friday evening in May and the 32-year-old professional dominatrix — sometimes called a female dominant, or prodomme — who goes by Goddess Dahlia for work, is getting ready for a session with her longest-serving submissive, C.
A submissive is someone who consensually cedes control to a dominant partner, typically within agreed-upon limits.
C, a friendly middle-aged man who has been ‘serving’ Dahlia for three years, had driven the dominatrix to the venue.
Before excusing himself from the interview, he even bought bread and waffles for Dahlia and the writer in case either of us got hungry.
Once the interview began, Dahlia wanted to clear up two major misconceptions about her work:
- Her practice does not involve sexual activity;
- Mainstream representation of BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism) has got it all wrong.
‘Fifty Shades of Grey is the worst’
Ask Dahlia about Fifty Shades of Grey and she doesn’t hold back. “That’s the worst,” she says with a laugh.
Contrary to the glamorous portrayal of BDSM portrayed in films such as Fifty Shades of Grey, Dahlia says that BDSM is not just about aesthetics or inflicting pain.
“BDSM can be a lot more about mental domination, about specific areas of your body, about how you’re made to feel and not how it looks,” she explains.
Above all, she says, consent is at the centre of BDSM — a principle that is rarely represented meaningfully in mainstream media.
“The negotiation, active and informed consent (is not depicted thoroughly) and consent can be retracted at any time,” she stresses.
In this case, negotiation refers to discussions about a client’s desires and hard limits — as well as Dahlia’s own — which guide the planning of each session from start to finish.
“I will also need them to disclose any trauma triggers, whether they have been to therapy or not, any physical injuries, any drug allergies or physical ailments,” she explains.
Additionally, Dahlia’s clients are also not allowed to attend sessions under the influence of alcohol or drugs, as this will impair their ability to provide active and informed consent.
When asked whether her rates reflect the time and effort spent planning each session and the training she underwent before becoming a professional dominatrix, Dahlia swiftly declined to disclose how much she charges.
She would only say that she earns enough to live comfortably as a full-time dominatrix.
The wildest and most memorable request
Dahlia is equally guarded about revealing details of her clients, as well as their specific requests.
What she does reveal is that her clients are predominantly men across all age groups, though she only accepts clients aged 22 and above and verifies their age using identification. Her oldest client was 75.
The plus-sized dominatrix says her clients seek her out for many reasons, one of which is to explore their fantasies in a “safe and controlled” environment, especially in a society where BDSM is still considered taboo.
“Some people are a bit more afraid to share this side of themselves with their partners and would like to explore in a more private manner with a professional,” Dahlia explains.
Not all BDSM fantasies are as salacious as the layperson might expect.
“Someone asked me to come to a session in my lazy Sunday clothing: just T-shirt, shorts and slippers, to slap his face,” recounts the dominatrix, who is usually dressed in her best all-black glam.
To this day, she considers it the most unusual and memorable request she has received, precisely because of its simplicity.
Becoming a professional dominatrix was never part of Dahlia’s plan.
Before entering the industry, she worked a regular nine-to-five corporate job, believing it offered the stability she wanted.
That changed when her pet dog was diagnosed with cancer in 2020. She found it difficult to take time off to care for it, and the dog eventually died the following year.
“I realised there’s no point being in corporate if I can’t provide my loved ones — human or pets — with the care they deserve,” she said.
By then, Dahlia had been interested in kink for about eight years. When the opportunity arose to apprentice under a retired Singapore-based professional dominatrix, she decided to take a leap of faith.
“I thought, ‘why not’? It’s solo work that is more private, which is what I prefer,” she said.
Not quite ‘easy money’
Dahlia’s tone turns serious when she addresses the misguided notion that her work is “easy money”.
She ponders for a moment before replying: “Any job is easy if you don’t do it properly.”
Based on what Dahlia shared, her work is far from easy. From planning each session to safeguarding her clients’ emotional and physical well-being, being a professional dominatrix involves far more than many people realise.
The job has also come with personal sacrifices. Dahlia has had to cut ties with loved ones who made no attempt to respect or understand what she does.
“I’ve had a close friend say that I am less worthy of (being) a human,” she recalls.
Still, despite its challenges, Dahlia says the work offers rewards that extend beyond the financial.
“I enjoy that I get to meet the most genuine and vulnerable side of a person — you get authentic human interaction instead of someone’s facade.”
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