'The standard for guys is way too low': S'pore influencer parent calls out double standards in baby caregiving duties
An influencer parent in Singapore has posted a video calling out the differing societal expectations between genders in parenting, and urged fathers to be more present in their children's lives.
Hubert, 33, one-half of the couple behind parenting channel @bertandlulu, expressed his frustrations at how he was praised for performing "basic" caregiving duties for his daughter, such as changing her diaper and taking care of her at home.
"Why is society's expectation of a man so low, and how are we expected to improve if that's the case?" Hubert begins his video saying.
Comments from videos of him interacting with Toto, his seven-month-old daughter, have baffled Hubert. One comment he received read: "Do you help to take care of the baby at home?"
"What do you mean 'help'?" Hubert asked. "This is my baby."
He recounted an incident where he carried Toto in a baby carrier while he was with his wife, Lulu, whose real name is Yihru. A stranger purportedly came up to Yihru and said: "He's such a good husband, he helps you carry Toto around."
Hubert cited other instances, such as a mother commending Hubert for changing his daughter's diaper, and a doctor calling him "responsible" for knowing details about Toto, such as her favourite colour and the amount of milk she drank.
"To be honest, sometimes with these comments, they feel like they're mocking me. Isn't this the basics that every man should be doing?"
"If these are exceptional behaviour for a dad, then why is it considered basic for a mum?"
Hubert said Yihru deserves more credit, having "suffered and sacrificed" throughout her pregnancy, including undergoing a caesarean section that left a permanent scar. He described her as "exceptional."
Earlier this year, the couple went viral for distributing care packages to fellow business-class passengers on their Singapore Airlines flight in case Toto cried.
Urges men to step up
Addressing male viewers who disagreed with his views, Hubert advised them not to rush into parenthood:
Your priority is to learn how to become a better human being.
He explained that there is nothing "exceptional" about a father carrying out caregiving duties.
"The standard expected of a guy is way too low," Hubert concludes his message.
"We are always asking females to be more progressive, but in my opinion, the gender that needs to be more progressive and improve, is us."
A 'rare find'
Hubert's plea has gone viral across various social media platforms, racking up thousands of likes and views. On Instagram, his clip has racked up over 1.9 million views and 178,000 likes.
Female netizens applauded Hubert's perspective, with some calling him a "rare find".
"I hope there are more guys like you who understand the complexity of being a woman in our society. Thank you for pointing these out!" a TikTok user wrote.
Some lamented that not many men shared Hubert's opinion, with one Facebook user saying: "Many don't share your thoughts, unfortunately. A lot of men think that by providing financially, they are the best dads. Some don't even provide and still think they are the best dad."
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