Netizens spot red flag as man worries about moving in with girlfriend's family
A Caucasian who made a Reddit post citing his concerns about moving in with his future wife's family has received plenty of advice from netizens - but mainly focused on financial alignment with his spouse.
Redditor EmeraldCrows, a self-described "ang moh" who has lived in Singapore since 2019, plans to propose to his girlfriend of three years in December.
His girlfriend has asked that he move into her family's HDB flat instead of her moving to his shared apartment as she does not like his flatmates, whereas her parents "love" him.
While it seems like a cosy arrangement, he is worried about communicating with his non-English speaking future in-laws, being looked down upon by Singaporeans and how much he would have to contribute to household expenses, even though he has not been asked to do so.
And while he has been "saving aggressively" for the future, his wife-to-be has not kept up with his endeavours and is in debt. "(She) doesn't seem to want to disclose how much debt she has. I'm worried this will enable her to further spend recklessly," he says in the post.
'Are you sure you should even get married?'
Netizens appeared most concerned with addressing the girlfriend's debt.
"I'll be more concern about no disclosing debt above anything else. If both people do not have the same values towards money, marriage cannot be sustained," said one user, whose comment was upvoted 857 times.
"Yah. The fact that he specified girl is not adapting financial habits sound like there are some hidden red flags worthy concerns," said another, who also hoped the couple would go for pre-marriage counselling to ensure everything is aligned.
Yet another user was even more direct. "Are you sure you should even get married?" the Redditor asked.
Netizens were split on whether Singaporeans might look down on him for accepting the living arrangement, even if it is commonplace in Singapore.
"It's quite common for folks to stay with family/in laws while waiting for their own homes, so don't worry about being looked down upon," said one Redditor, who was also of the view that the girlfriend's financial situation was a bigger problem.
"In Singapore's context, living with parents while waiting for bto is pretty common due to costs of rent. There will be some Singaporeans who will be judge-y about it. But imo rent money can be contributed back to the family expenses if staying with family; which makes more financial sense in Singapore's high COL landscape," said another.
But Redditors also warned that not everyone would be happy with such a move.
"While it is not uncommon for the fiance/fiancee to move in and stay with parents while waiting for BTO, many parents do prefer not to have this arrangement," said one.
Another warned that an exit strategy was important: "There would definitely be cultural misalignment if you move in - unless her parents are very modern and easy going… I would only be comfortable with moving if I know there is an end date I can look forward to."
Yet another warned that unresolved matters would worsen with the move: "Don't move in, your relationship problems will be greatly amplified when living together with her parents. Always hear stories from friends it is not easy to live with in laws."
But not all the comments were serious.
Said one Redditor: "Bro sounds like you're about to take the first step towards being the breadwinner and caretaker for the whole family and not just your fiance lol."
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