--- title: "Spill It With Stomp: I travelled with my colleague and she called me ‘stingy’ for splitting the bills" url: "/stomps-hot-takes/spill-it-stomp-i-travelled-my-colleague-and-quickly-regretted-it" published: "2026-10-18T03:12:41.000Z" updated: "2026-10-18T03:16:20.000Z" section: "Stomp's Hot Takes" authors: ["Ethel Tseng","Cherry Tan"] tags: ["Spill It With Stomp","TNP News","friendship","work","colleague","travel"] --- # Spill It With Stomp: I travelled with my colleague and she called me ‘stingy’ for splitting the bills *Today, a woman wonders how a trip with her colleague — whom she had been close to — went south.* Spill It With Stomp is a new column where Stomp writers Cherry Tan and Ethel Tseng — two bespectacled women with bobs who definitely aren’t professional therapists — dish advice on stressful issues. Whether it’s relationships, family drama or work... Cherry promises not to judge, but Ethel cannot say the same. All this to say: take their advice with a pinch of salt — and don’t hold it against them if things go wrong. Today, a woman wonders how a trip with her colleague went south. My colleague and I (both 24F) recently went on a trip to Hong Kong. We gym together and get along okay, so when she suggested the trip on a whim, I agreed without much thought — and quickly regretted it. For starters, she didn't lift a finger in the planning and booking any of the necessary tickets and accommodations we needed, saying that she was quite easy-going and happy to have me plan the trip since I'd been there before. But I’ve never had a detailed itinerary for any of my previous trips! She also seemed to lack understanding of physical boundaries. Before our plane even took off, she rested her head on my shoulders to sleep without asking me if I was comfortable with it, only moving away irritatedly when I began fidgeting. ![I travelled with my colleague and now we’re no longer talking.](https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/stomp/1d997fd4f93346451f12778622da2ef516e187a04d0ae5efa451f342b8949837) *A holiday to Hong Kong tested the friendship between this reader and her colleague.* During the trip, my colleague also made a snarky comment about how she found me stingy when I split the bills fairly, ensuring that we each only paid for what we ordered. When I got back to the hotel late one night — after informing her in advance — and the automatic lights turned on, she made an excessively loud groan from her bed. I felt so bad that I disrupted her, even though we were just texting her 20 minutes before I returned, that I didn't shower — only brushing my teeth and washing my face before going to bed to avoid making more noise. Even after all this, I still had to help her dog-sit while she went away with her dad on another trip shortly after — and she barely thanked me. I feel like I have more to be upset about, but she has iced me out as though I'm in the wrong. Should I try to find out what's wrong? Or is it better to leave it since I plan on resigning from our company soon? ## Cherry That sounds rough, but it also reminds me of a something my General Paper teacher used to tell me: Don’t eat where you sh*t. In other words, don’t mix business with pleasure. It’s a piece of advice I’ve held onto strongly since I first heard it. While you should aim to be friendly with all your colleagues, that doesn’t mean you should necessarily be friends — those are two different things altogether. The former is about ensuring you can at least work smoothly together to serve the organisation’s needs, while the latter involves seeing and accepting each other, warts and all. You definitely don’t need to be acquainted with someone’s travel and living habits — especially if they’re incompatible with yours — to maintain a professional relationship as colleagues. That said, there’s no point crying over spilt milk. Since you’re about to leave, it’s probably best to let things be. There’s no use in confronting your colleague if you no longer need to work together or aren’t interested in staying friends — that will just make for an awkward notice period. It would be best to just take this as a lesson learnt and think twice before your future colleagues ask you out on a holiday. ## Ethel That’s brave of you to travel with a colleague! Though your experience only reinforces my long-held suspicion that corporate life is a treacherous place and the people you meet there could sometimes be mean, conniving gremlins on the inside. The unconsented physical touch and entitlement are also major icks. Resting her head on your shoulder, suggesting that you pay and relying on you to take care of her pet? You’re not a pillow, a walking ATM, or a dog-sitter. What I’d flag, too, is how much you seem to have bent over backwards to keep her comfortable. We often think we’re bound by social norms, like not being “too mean” or “insensitive” to someone — but the truth is, the person who defines those boundaries is you. You can tell someone that their behaviour makes you uncomfortable without being cruel. And you’re allowed to expect basic courtesy, even if you feel gaslighted into believing otherwise. But if you’re planning to leave the company soon and have no interest in salvaging the friendship, you’re equally entitled to let the matter go. Just make sure you’re choosing silence because you’ve decided the relationship isn’t worth your energy, and not because you’re still protecting her feelings. Still, I’ll admit that not all colleagues are evil. Some are lovely people; others are better appreciated from a safe distance. Hopefully, your next workplace brings you colleagues who make you feel comfortable being yourself — and who understand that friendship is a two-way street. Hot Takes are opinion pieces written by Stomp journalists, based on their personal experiences and viewpoints. They reflect the writer’s perspective and do not necessarily reflect the views of SPH Media. Need advice? Share your dilemma with us at stomp@sph.com.sg with “Spill It” in your email subject for a chance to get featured.