Chinese-Indian couple married to fulfil his dad's dying wish, now celebrate CNY with 4 grand kids
Janarthanan Krishnasamy
Tabla
Jan 30, 2025
In the 1960s, when she was a teenager, Madam Dorasamy Radabyee would often notice a quiet, lanky Chinese guy at her home.
Mr Richard Ho would often show up at her mother's home in Tiong Bahru to visit Doraisamy Vetrivel, his childhood friend and Rada's brother. Though they didn't interact much at the time, the two would often exchange glances and smiles.
"Looking back, I think he came so often to our house just to see me," said Madam Rada, 73, with a laugh.
The fifth of seven children, Madam Rada's father, who worked at Keppel Harbour, died when she was just five, and her mother worked as an orderly at a hospital to raise seven children.
Madam Rada studied up to only Primary 3 in a Tamil-medium school and was unable to read in English. So when Mr Ho, who was 16 at the time, decided to express his feelings for her one day, he penned a one-sentence letter with the simple words "I love you" in Tamil.
Madam Rada, who is a year older than Mr Ho, did not have any feelings for him at the time - but she remembered she was very moved by his proposal.
Things were not straightforward, however. Describing her mother and grandmother as "sticklers for the Tamil culture", she recalled how her grandmother scolded her for joking that she wanted to marry "either a Caucasian or a Chinese".
When her mother learnt of her daughter's wishes to pursue a relationship with a Chinese man, she was concerned Madam Rada would encounter racism and ultimately not be accepted by Mr Ho's family.
But the young couple were undeterred and courted for years. "I was certain we were meant for each other," said Madam Rada. "Otherwise, I said we would remain single till the end."
After seven years, Mr Ho's mother visited Madam Rada's house to ask her mother for her daughter's hand in marriage.
"My husband's father had just passed away due to heart complications. It was his dying wish that his son and I be united in marriage," Madam Rada said.
Chinese custom dictates that if a parent of the groom or bride dies before the wedding, the couple must marry within 100 days of the death or wait a thousand days. The families understandably chose the former.
The couple married in February 1974 at the Commonwealth Muneeswaran Temple and again in March at a Chinese ceremony.
"My mother-in-law had five children, including my husband," explained Madam Rada. "We spoke to each other in Malay. As time went by, she came to understand me better and would happily introduce me as her daughter-in-law to people she knew. She especially loved my Indian-style cooking."
Today, the couple have two children - both married - and four grandchildren, and the family gets together every Chinese New Year for a reunion dinner.
"During the new year, we have a little game where I hang hongbao onto an indoor Chinese cherry blossom tree. Some packets have $10, some have $20 and some have $50 - so it's down to whoever is lucky that day," said Madam Rada.
The family also observes Deepavali, when everyone dons new clothing, visits the temple and has lunch at a relative's home. Mr Ho and Madam Rada also give hongbao to their grandchildren.
Over the years, Mr Ho, a rather reserved individual, has embraced the Tamil culture he married into, and although he doesn't speak the language, he understands it well.
Growing up in a kampung in Geylang, he had many Tamil friends as a child and has always been a fan of Tamil movies - especially of actor and former Tamil Nadu chief minister M.G. Ramachandran (known as MGR). He even flew to Chennai for MGR's funeral in 1987.
Deeply fascinated by Indian spirituality, Mr Ho, who works in procurement, has also visited multiple holy sites in India since 1992.
"He is quite a devout man," said Madam Rada. "He wakes up early and before going to work, lights the altar lamps. We are going to Tamil Nadu in a few months' time to visit the Palani Murugan and Ucchi Pilliayar (in Tiruchirappalli) temples."
When asked what he thought of his wife, Mr Ho said: "She is a very kind lady, always showing love to children. She playfully calls our grandchildren "amma" (mother) and "appa" (father), which I find adorable."
