Dodgy cyclists are giving Singaporean riders a bad name
On my regular Sunday cycle ride, I'm always left with the same questions: Why aren't helmets compulsory? Why do some cyclists go colour-blind at traffic lights? And why must gangs of middle-aged men wear the tightest Lycra in all the wrong places?
Let's start with the last one. When folks ask why I'm vegetarian, I'm tempted to blame it on middle-aged men in Lycra.
They're fine until they climb down from the saddle - then I'm faced with what looks like the last chicken in the hawker stall.
No one needs to see that on a Sunday morning.
Head protection still not taken seriously by some riders
But at least the tight Lycra gangs wear cycling helmets - for the most part - unlike those easy-riding uncles who treat head protection like contraception.
They seem to assume that they're no longer capable of the kind of physical performance where such protection might be required.
It's one of the most baffling road safety oversights in Singapore because it's one of the easiest to enforce - and arguably the most necessary.
Cyclists risk injury with incorrect setups
Far too many uncles already have their seats in the wrong position, leaving their bodies too low, their knees too high and their wheels wobbling like a clown bike at a circus.
Look, I'm no cycling expert. I've broken more chains than the thieves at the Louvre Museum, and I'm one groin strain away from wearing the tightest Lycra since Borat.
I really am only joking about the middle-aged Lycra gangs. As I get older, I begrudgingly recognise the increasing value of a chamois gusset.
Until recently, I thought a chamois gusset was an expensive wine. It's easy to imagine diners at a Marina Bay Sands restaurant asking for another bottle of Chamois Gusset whilst admiring the plumes of smoke coming from the side of the building.
But a chamois gusset is the built-in padding that comes with cycling shorts - an essential component as the chafing kicks in along Changi Coast Road.
Reckless cyclists reinforce negative stereotypes
I empathise with the suffering of such an arduous pastime in an equatorial climate, which is my shameless attempt at pandering before I slam on the brakes, pull off a sudden volte-face and suggest that some cyclists are a bigger pain than a sweaty groin.
Why must we amplify the worst cycling stereotypes - entitlement, reckless riding and a general indifference to other road users - and play into the hands of those car, lorry and bus drivers who don't particularly care for us in the first place?
Last Sunday, I was on my bike, waiting for the lights to change at Sengkang East Drive when my peripheral vision caught a glimpse of a slender, titanium frame gliding towards me.
He was wearing a helmet, which was good.
He was wearing Lycra, which is bad for anyone eating boiled chicken right now.
He was also heading towards a red light.
Now, picture the scene and ask yourself the obvious question: Do you think he stopped?
Of course he didn't.
He raced through as if the rules of the road were for antiquated modes of transport such as cars, buses and those startled pedestrians who must give way to Boiled Chicken Man at the crossing - even though they had the right of way.
Speaking on behalf of decent cyclists, why must we do this to ourselves? It's not as if we have deep reserves of public goodwill to draw upon whenever we encounter such selfish indiscretions in the saddle.
Renewed discussion on road safety
Earlier this month, another negative story went viral, one that left Singaporeans rather baffled.
A female driver was fined and barred from holding a licence for eight years after her car hit a cyclist, who tragically succumbed to his injuries a few days later, back in 2023.
But the details of the accident were not straightforward. The cyclist had swerved across several lanes in Outram Park and straight into the path of the car.
The driver tried to avoid him but was unable to stop in time. Without getting into the legal complexities of the case, the public debate that followed was as predictable as Boiled Chicken Man going through the red light.
You can guess the general comments, right?
Typical cyclists.
Think they own the road.
Never follow the rules, and so on.
In fairness, these criticisms could just as easily be levelled at car drivers too - but even they don't ride side by side so they can chat on the road. (And what topic of conversation is so important that it requires a lengthy discussion between cyclists pedalling at 25km/h? Sore genitalia?)
LTA initiatives show progress, but attitudes must change
The Land Transport Authority is doing its bit to improve road behaviour.
Cyclists can now be penalised for riding on designated pedestrian-only footpaths, and it's only fair to point out that accidents on such paths are declining.
According to the LTA, there were 104 accidents in 2024 - a marked improvement on the 303 accidents in 2019. But we can't always rely on government interventions to make us more gracious road users.
The LTA can change the laws. It's up to us to change perceptions of our fellow cyclists, by sharing our spaces kindly, fairly and safely.
But we may still need to do something about the tight Lycra thing - or chicken rice hawkers will go out of business.
Neil Humphreys is an award-winning writer and radio host, a successful author and a failed footballer.
