Be kind and don't scold Singaporeans for playing sports
Another day, another chance to scold Singaporeans for the heinous crime of playing sports outdoors.
In the latest viral video, a group of young adults were called "stupid", "uneducated" and were "not going to do anything in life" because they were playing sepak takraw and couldn't read "Harvard English".
Like many of you, perhaps, I read the news report, watched the video and was appalled, yet again, by the increasing lack of empathy for those who use our communal sports facilities. And then I pondered the most difficult question of all: What the hell is "Harvard English?"
Because that was the culprits' biggest crime, apparently. On Oct 26, the four players had gathered at a Bukit Panjang badminton court to play sepak takraw. An angry resident accused them of making too much noise and failing to read "Harvard English".
Well, that makes two of us. I'm familiar with "Queen's English". But she died. And there's no one in her family called Harvard.
There are many names thrown around for members of the British Royal Family right now, especially the prince formerly known as Andrew. But I'm fairly sure none of them are called Harvard. Perhaps there's an illegitimate royal child knocking around called Harvard, who spends his days in shame and solitude, whilst writing Singapore's offbeat street signs.
But that's what angered the woman in the viral video. She saw four adults, playing sepak takraw in Bukit Panjang, and castigated them for failing to read the "Harvard English" used on a sign that prohibited pickleball at the badminton court. Apparently, in Harvard English, pickleball means sepak takraw.
She was also heard saying that the group were destined to become Grab drivers, which is a bit of a stretch. The skillsets of sepak takraw players do not involve checking two phones whilst playing, and suddenly cancelling the booking if they see a better court elsewhere.
The value of spontaneous play
But we know what the angry woman was getting at. Displaying less finesse than the average sepak takraw player, she marched straight in with the racial stereotypes: the players could "waste" their afternoons, while others are studying to become "doctors and engineers", the two professions that the woman focused on.
Such sentiments are troubling and not just for the obvious racist undertones. It's a stubborn, persistent idea in modern Singapore that spontaneous play has little value in such a results-driven, utilitarian society. We simply don't have the time, space or patience to indulge such frivolous pursuits.
But it never used to be this way. When I lived in Toa Payoh Lorong 8 in 1997, the local basketballers would proactively call out to me to join in. Like a giddy toddler, I'd drop the Fair Price shopping bags and grab the ball. They saw a 1.93m-tall Caucasian asset. In reality, I moved around the court like an octopus washed up in the tide.
But our games were open to all.
The same court was also used for badminton, sepak takraw, improvised games of football and whatever else the kids came up with, encapsulating the essence of human curiosity, spontaneity and even risk-taking (you know, workplace-ready skills).
Maybe there were residents' complaints, but there wasn't social media so there wasn't a municipal panic each time an irate video was posted. Communal sports endured. The kids played on.
It's different now. When was the last time you saw a gang of kids playing a game that wasn't booked or organised in advance? Spend an evening around most housing estates and you can almost hear the narrator setting the scene for the Singapore version of The Walking Dead: No Sports Allowed (Unless Got Permit).
"This is Block 638 Woodlands Ring Road, where the kids played football, until the void deck was temporarily barricaded in 2023 (true story). Now the Singapore Lions can't beat the neighbours and our most successful team are the scammers working for the Cambodian mafia. Today, we only have nostalgic websites dedicated to our former football glories, written in Harvard English."
'Shared spaces were a testament to our tolerance'
Perhaps we could erect a team sports memorial, showcasing poignant statues of kids kicking a ball on void decks, retirees whacking pickleballs around and sepak takraw players performing overhead kicks whilst covering their ears to avoid racial slurs.
The NHB plaques could read: "In the old days, we played outdoors. And then we complained and went indoors. This plaque is sponsored by Grab Food Delivery, no need to leave your sofa to eat."
The void deck and our multi-purpose courts were not architectural quirks, but deliberate attempts at social cohesion to bring residents together. Our shared public spaces were a testament to our tolerance.
Can't we just let our fellow residents play in peace? Because if our sporting activities are not tolerated outside, then we'll head inside and reach for the nearest device, which will be great for our obesity numbers. Our mental and physical health statistics may fare less well.
There's nothing "stupid" about playing sports. Ever.
Should any of the four sepak takraw players read this, please keep playing. Don't be disheartened. And if you need a fifth member, let me know. I'll have a go at the overhead kicks, but honestly, there's more chance of me learning Harvard English.
Neil Humphreys is an award-winning writer and radio host, a successful author and a failed footballer.
