--- title: "Spill It With Stomp: Our families were best friends, but now we’re afterthoughts. Should I walk away?" url: "/stomps-hot-takes/spill-it-stomp-our-families-were-best-friends-now-were-afterthoughts-should-i-walk-away" published: "2026-10-21T07:37:36.000Z" updated: "2026-10-21T07:37:36.000Z" section: "Stomp's Hot Takes" authors: ["Cherry Tan"] tags: ["Stomp's Hot Takes","Spill It With Stomp","advice","friendship","family"] --- # Spill It With Stomp: Our families were best friends, but now we’re afterthoughts. Should I walk away? *A mother asks how she should handle the end of a significant friendship that once meant the world to her.* Spill It With Stomp is a column where Stomp writers Cherry Tan and Ethel Tseng — two bespectacled women with bobs who definitely aren’t professional therapists — dish advice on stressful issues. Whether it’s relationships, family drama or work... Cherry promises not to judge, but Ethel cannot say the same. All this to say: take their advice with a pinch of salt — and don’t hold it against them if things go wrong. Today, a mother mourns what might be the death of a friendship that once meant the world to her — and her kids.  I was once really good friends with someone. Our children became best friends and so did we. We chatted every day about everything and nothing — from the inane to work challenges, general rants, fears and random thoughts. When I broke my leg, she took care of my child. When her child got hospitalised, I sent food and drinks to cheer her up. Our families spent so much time together. We laughed, joked and even went on a trip together. Somewhere along the way, things changed. At first, I didn’t want to think too much of it, but with time it got worse. Replies became slower, then sporadic, and eventually stopped altogether. What used to flow so naturally now feels awkward and perfunctory. I felt the change so very keenly. I tried reaching out to start conversations, but was met with little response. The warmth I once felt had disappeared. ![Our families were best friends, but now we’re afterthoughts. Should I walk away?](https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/stomp/181482a2b39b04a568d86422369ac646ac25fb60519eed3916a2659d4189f926) *When her child got hospitalised, I sent food and drinks to cheer her up.* I’m not sure what happened. Perhaps we simply became too busy. We both had a lot going on at work, priorities shifted, and life got in the way. What hurts isn’t that we talk less. It’s that we’ve gone from being an important part of each other’s lives to feeling like an afterthought. Recently, I found out something that made me realise my child is no longer of significance. After everything we had shared, that really stung. I’m tempted to cut this friendship off to spare my family and myself any more hurt. Why keep trying to be someone’s friend if they’re just not that into you anymore? But walking away would also affect our children. What should I do? ## Cherry We always seem to know, in theory, that not all friendships will last. Yet when it happens to one of our own, the pain still hits us like a freight train. If it matters to you, and you find the friendship worth salvaging, it might be worth reaching out to that friend to rekindle the relationship, or try and figure out where both of you went wrong. Maybe “wrong” isn’t the most accurate word to use, and it is more of a question about how your paths diverged so wildly. If your children are young, I don’t think there’s a need to be completely honest with them yet. To be frank, I barely remember anything from my childhood in detail. Kids have short attention spans these days — I’m sure they’ll eventually find new friends to spend time with, and other cool adults to impress. And if they ever ask you, “What happened to so-and-so?” when they are older, then have that conversation with them — gently, but honestly. ## Ethel As someone who regularly teases my parents about their suspiciously small social circle, I never thought I’d say this, but I’ve come to appreciate how discerning they have been about who they let into their lives. It’s taught me that it’s okay to choose who I let into mine, too. From what you’ve described, it sounds like the friendship may have ended long before this happened. Finding out your child was not of significance to your friend may be a symptom, not the cause of a broken friendship. I would argue that stepping back might actually be the healthier thing to do. And you wouldn’t need to do anything but let the friendship fade away on its own. Maybe this is simply a friendship that has run its course for this season of your lives. I’m sure your kids will make new friends, grow apart from others, and find new people to share their lives with. Perhaps it’s time you gave yourself permission to do the same. Hot Takes are opinion pieces written by Stomp journalists, based on their personal experiences and viewpoints. They reflect the writer’s perspective and do not necessarily reflect the views of SPH Media. Need advice? Share your dilemma with us at stomp@sph.com.sg with “Spill It” in your email subject for a chance to get featured.